i show my affection to my friends by gently bullying them
i remember one time the simpsons made a joke about fox news and they got so insulted they tried to sue them but the court was like “this aired on ur network u can’t sue urself”
i’m such an asshole but i’m also a very kind-hearted person who likes making ppl happy and if i love u i will love u with all my heart and all my soul but then i’m also such an asshole
"GENTLEMEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH TROY AND MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD AT ALL"
"sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse"
"oh rad bring it in"
If you put a bee in the freezer, it will get cold and fall asleep. After it’s asleep, put it in your mouth, but don’t eat it. Just let it sit there. It will get warm and wake up. Now you have a bee in your mouth.
Why the fuck would I do that
"We’re preparing you for the real world"
I don’t meant to alarm you but
the real world has calculators